after spending the whole day with Ian, i went to church with my exhausted body. This is the first time i made an announcement in the fellowship, feel like being a senior finally. The greatest thing about tonite is , of coz learnt more about God, and then, i saw ANNE!!! omg all the memory came up and all the stuff happened back in highschool just like yesterday! Anne, i remember how well you treat me, i remember how we knew each other, it has been four years! Anne is the person who led me to know more about God! and i wanna thank God for letting Anne to be one of my angels in my life, and also thank God for saving Anne's life for twice!

I'm getting over the pain with my bf, somebody is taking over his place,

damn! i forgot to save a draft and blogspot deleted my whole entry...

Finally i have a peaceful environment a few days with my bf, cuz i decided to cut off a frd of mine. i will no longer as depressed as before cuz my bf does not yell at me anymore for 'that person', i'll move on again :) 2am in the morning and im still doing assignments... and im still reading the textbook to figure out how to do the assignment, thats the result of not paying attention to class, my fault =.= yey im going to have my agnes b thing back, i'll prolly give it to bosco, a real good frd who always by my side listen to me and comfort me when i need help. Ok.. im gonna type up a summary instead of a whole big page of entry again=.= , all i gonna say is : i wanna throw that hat or put it into the bottom of my drawer so that i never see it again, cuz it reminds me of being hurt by him!i never really hate a person, and i always protect myself by not giving out real heart easily for frdship, but i failed. after all jason told me that i shouldnt have thought of him cuz once he disappeared and doesnt care about my feelings, he is not worth. well i guess the only thing i need is to get my stuff back and that's it. i gave him a chance but that rude, conceited attitude told me he is REAL not worth.the reason im typing a whole bunch of words abouit this incident till today becoz i got really hurt!(and of coz that hat reminds me of him everyday, should i throw it?) i'll never forget this person i guess, who wasted my time and money.

studying???

i lock myself at his home after lunch -> to study. (???)
I ended up watching tv/ doing nail polish and baking (for someone who SUDDENLY want to eat FRESH cookies...>.<) the whole day lol Billy came to my building last nite to give me the Polysporin, cuz i cut my leg with a small knife by accident, so i need the cream back >.<. I went downstair to meet him and we stood at the door non-stop talking, talking and talking..=.=" for 20 mins..=.=" o well, talking to Billy makes me happy :)

btw, a person told me this morning that "breaking promise is CORRECT becuz things would change" .... harharharrrrr? what kind of explanation is that? funny ehh LOL

p.s. i finally made michelle to hire Kenny ... *relieve* :)

conversations

i had a deep and serious converstaion with kent today, he said "u do not lose, DO NOT LOSE, so just be strong, forget about the skinny fuck and move on"... But i believe every person is good deep in their hearts... nobody would like to hurt somebody else in purpose,
but i agree with what Kent said, "simon could not stand to be a man, he could not risk to lose, thats why he said he wouldn't easily give up before, and now he left u, so that he seems to be the person who won, and he said he wanna send u the present beoz he wanna save a last good image for himself, he is so self-centreed, and he is way too immature to just disappear for a few days, u should have realized"...
i put my real heart for a frdship and now i got hurt.. should i listen to kent's advice? i guess i'll call once more.. last call to see if he's worth.

MItch is such a great friend, he put all his work and papers down to talk to me... okay i know im being stupid enough to be depressed becoz of a person who is not worth, but i cant control myself...>.<>

:)

now that i realized im surrounded by love when im depressed... (only when im depressed =.=")
i thought all my frds graduated but seems like the lower year frds are also good to me..
Altho i dunno what to say when i face some of them since they're younger than me, i feel the carings. And Haydon is really mature enough to comfort me , and yea I KNOW im a too "innocent" person to trust someone la... chi sin.. i didnt say im not wor.. i admit +_+ .. Haydon who has to work at 8am in the next morning and talked to me till 3am.. im impressed.

really wanna thank my frds from deep in my heart....Bosco, Stephen, Billy, Candy, Jason, Fion, Patrick, Paco, Joey, Mindy, Haydon... thanks la Patrick called up somebody for me, and my plan is confirmed i'll see Pat so soon in Melbourne :D i miss him lei...

Kent is now being my senior advisor tho lol

Especially frds who put down all their studying for midterms and ask me to go out... i didnt realize and expect some of you actually treat me as that important till now...

and i'll take the advice from Kent, never never easily put my heart out for a new frdship again.
face showing that... I GAIN WEIGHT...=.="

傷害

我承認, 我從來就是個極容易受傷害的人。

打從來到加拿大後 , 被傷害無數次 , 重傷了幾次 ,
每次靠進主的懷抱。

後來 , 我開始懂得保護自己 , 但只怪自己太容易把真
心交出 , 我不聽忠告 , 很容易對所有人交出真心 ,
有人令我感動高興,
當然 , 亦有傷害我的。

每次, 每一次!!
別人都覺得 karen 是個非常social 的女孩 ,
有好多朋友 , got lots of lots of frds!
WTF? NO! 我沒有!!
PR doesn NOT equals to lots of frds!
我只有好少好少的朋友 , 都因為環境因素 ,
相繼分散各地。

別人永遠都覺得karen 只懂得笑 , 非常開朗 ,
試問我哭時 , 誰會知道? 又 , 誰會相信?

是, 我懂得所謂「睇人眉頭眼額」,
我有多累有人知道嗎?
我都好想把真性格展現 ,
我是個情勢很易起伏 , 會發脾氣的人。

kent 曾說我脾氣好 , 下? yukie 曾說我脾氣好 , 下下???
我想大嗌 : 「其實我脾氣好差!! 」

還有 , 我非常討厭假惺惺的人 ,
你可以對我假 , 但你就唔係我朋友。

心痛joey
每當心痛時 , 不一定因為自己 , 我最好的朋友 - joey ,
看見她跟 edward 這樣 , 身為朋友的我 , 無能為力 ,
能說的安慰說話 , 我已說了, 但好像幫不上什麼...
當你看著最要好的朋友痛苦時,
自己也會很痛苦。



最後 , 想說的 , 是「他」,
好像很好喔 , 但可以因為沒錢時, 把送給我的禮物給退換 ,
那個難受的感覺 , 好難說明白 , 被騙了 !
我好像被騙了很久 , 是我太蠢容易相信別人 ,
一次又一次相信他的promise, 然後一次又一次被騙 ,
他有沒有把我當「朋友」 , 早看透了 , 我只是用作sib 時間的玩物,
交了新女友後 , 我這玩物沒用了 ,
再加上數次 , 太失望了... 我放棄, 我認輸, 因為我不想被傷害。